Dear Mom …
Today is another anniversary for you, for us. Today is the 32nd anniversary since you passed right in front of my eyes. That you suffered for so long still pains me, that you were only 51-years-old still hurts. Yes, the sting has weakened over the years but I still love and miss you.
The saying goes that time heals all wounds but this wound will never heal. I can still feel your kiss on my cheek, I can still hear your voice in my head. Oh what I would not do to receive another hug and another “I love you baby.”
That you were terminal for more than 5 years and sick for 9 still challenges the faith that I have in the meaning of life. I am glad that I was with you at the end although I can still relive the moments. Being able to tell you that it was ok to go, that the three of us would be fine, still play over in my mind. I was glad that your pain and suffering had ended but damn if I wasn’t ready. No matter when it was going to be I was always going to want more time with you. You touched the hearts and lives of so many; families, friends, neighbors, and the years of kids at Crossroads were truly inspiring. When you gave someone a hug they felt the transference of energy that fed your soul, when you told someone that you loved them they knew that it was not just a set of words. I am grateful for those lessons above all others. I know that you are still present in the lives of many because I still hear from some of them on occasion. I also know that you forgave the people who ghosted you when you got sick and a conversation that we had about that still resonates with me today as I have navigated my challenges over the past decade. “Baby, when people don’t know what to say or do they tend to say or do nothing and it’s not always by choice.”
I know that I will see you soon enough but it doesn’t make your absence any easier. I try to make you proud but I am far from perfect. That being said, you always loved me even when I was “challenging” and/or undeserving and for that I am more than grateful because it taught me a lot about humanity that many never get the opportunity to see.
Yesterday, today, tomorrow, I love you and feel fortunate to have had you for my mom.
Love always,
Your Baby.
Beautifully written Greg - of course when we write from the heart the words come easily. Grief softens over time, but it's been my experience that an ache forever remains. 🩷
This is beautiful, Greg.
I think gratitude is the purest expression of love.
And your words embody that gratitude so beautifully.